Forgiveness is an act of faith....faith that all things can be made well in the fulness of time.
I have had many things that needed to be forgiven starting with my alcoholic father...
Whilst he was still alive and still hurting us all I found it impossible to forgive him. After his death I did think I had managed it until something happened in the family and I realised that it was just a form of words....the old feelings of anger flooded back.
Its not enough after a period of reflection to just say the words....I forgive. It has to be gut wrenchingly real....and thats the hard bit.
Saying the words is the easy part....actually feeling at peace within yourself and your relationships is the important thing .
To not forgive, to hate, to resent people who have damaged you in some way is to hurt yourself....the person who inflicted hurt in the first place is still doing it unless you can let go...
In the Christian tradition we can be forgiven if we are sorry for the damage we have done...but that is hard too unless we can realise the damage... unless we can be honest with ourselves to see that we have played a part in what ever is grieving us.
I know people who sail through life blaming everyone else for their misfortunes and never look at themselves...
To sit quietly in a place of peace and to try to really believe that we have indeed forgiven someone is very hard....but essential to living a good life. We all have our hang ups.....we all have things we have done that in hindsight we wish had never happened....I acknowledge mine fairly frequently. But that too can be a pitfall....its a mistake to start wallowing!
The best way of forgiving others is to start by forgiving ourselves....
And the two important commands from the gospels..
Judge not lest you are judged. LOve one another as I have loved you.
Its a start anyway!
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