When the first David died I found myself unable to go into a church for three years. The exception was St Just but never to a service, I went to sit quietly.....I did a lot of praying on my own but mainly to just sit in silence was the thing that brought me nearer to God.
When my daughter died I was alone in the parish and had no choice but to carry on during the interegnum.
I did a funeral for an old lady four days after she died which was fine....I managed to get my head into a different place with people I didn't really know and who didn't know me......I found it helped..the professional need got me through with no embarrassing displays of emotion.
This morning I have been to church....I missed last week but this week .all went well most of the time but at the end whilst I was thanking them for their support I stumbled...
I told them there was great comfort in going to a church I knew and loved, with people I loved, saying words repeated hundreds of times before...I said it from the altar so that I had something to lean on.....
I know God is testing me....
Next week I am doing an open air service in a nearby village. I just have to get someone else to do the bit that says.
"They will not grow old as we who are left grow old.". Amen.
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2 comments:
Oh Jean. You have been, and are being so incredibly brave through all of this.
If the prayers of those who 'know' you through your blog are anything to go by, you will cope with even those words.
Life can be very cruel, but love, even verbal or written will help to hold you up.
God it is said, never gives us more than we can cope with. Not too sure how true that is, but however insignificant you have my prayers always.
Jean!!!!
Prayers and hugs. Sometimes it's so hard to cope and to struggle on - but you are assured of God's love and of that of all you share so much with so openly. !!
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