I am sad. I am in a very strange place right now as we approach the first anniversary of my sons death. It has of course been with me every day since it happened but now with the approach to All Saints Day followed by Remembrance Sunday the reminders are coming too thick and much too fast.
I will not go to any of the services designed to pray for those who died or those who are bereaved. I am aware there is a place for them but not in my heart. I mourn my daughter as well as my son and I need to be alone for this....
I can light candles, visit graves but that is just now a sort of window dressing.....the real deep grief is untouched by anything external. So I go back once again to the Ted Loder book which has been so helpful in the past.
O God, complete the work you have begun in me.
Release through me
A flow of mercy and gentleness that will bring water where there is desert.
Healing where there is hurt
Peace where there is violence
Beauty where there is ugliness
Justice where there is brokenness
Beginnings where there are dead ends.
Waken in me
Gratitude for my life, love for every living thing, joy in what is human and holy
Praise for you.
Renew my faith that you are God beyond my grasp
But within my reach. Amen.