Thursday, 13 February 2014

Spring in the creek!

My brain is not working well just now so I am writings things down as they come to me....This helps....
I have been out this morning...down to church. It is Spring down there, no cruel winds have wrecked the hallowed ground. Snowdrops are everywhere and a beautiful white camellia in flower hangs over my daughters grave.
I lit a candle for David and tried hard not to weep!
Then I looked for and found a lovely place for his ashes.
Meeting an old friend I told him about our lack of heating over the last days.
"That's odd" he said..."Didn't you lose your phone line after your son died? "
I did...things failing around me seem part of the pattern. Another part of my pattern is that the church I sat in this morning on my own was the church where I mourned the first David , long before I became a priest in it!
After he died in 1997 I came down here frequently and would sit for hours in the peace and tranquility of this place.. The creek this church sits on is where I imagined Jesus jumping ashore as He travelled with his uncle the tin merchant! The story I wrote whilst David was so ill!
I'm glad it's both finished and published as an ebook...I may not have the heart to do anything like that for a long time....
Friday morning
Yesterday was a quiet day...a time for contemplation which is what I need right now.  Today with one of David's sons I am going into Truro to register the death of my husband...
We are also returning the stuff left here after David went into the nursing home...
It is going to be another exhausting day but real progress is now being made...
My biggest problem is remembering everything....so I  write stuff down...  And then lose the scrap of paper I've written on...
Far too much time is spent looking for phone numbers and forms to fill in.
The bottom line here is that a day like yesterday,  on my own with my memories , prayers and resolutions for the future  is what I need right now and soon there will be lots of those..God willing.

1 comment:

  1. Good morning Jean. Yesterday sounds a little like the peace that you needed and wonderful to hear.

    It's not surprising that you are distracted, it's a consequence of the situation that you find yourself in - perhaps once today is done, you'll find time for another peaceful day?

    Prayers for you as you grieve, coping with the shock, and perhaps shed a few tears, allowing them to flow, knowing that many of us are alongside you virtually, if not physically, loving your ability to still be able to portray the pain, confusion and disbelief that can attend bereavement - it's inspirational for someone who finds it a dreadful and painful experience.

    Prayers and lots of hugs from North Kent.

    Ernie

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