Lethargy

I am tired. Over the last weeks I have worked at being together, organised the mass of paper piled up in David's office , tried to sort out the arrangements for the garden, moved things around the house according to where I want them rather than where they were left during the last difficult months.

I feel exhausted now and have elected not to go to church....I have returned to a new way of life discovered when the first David died....I listen to the radio in the very early morning and doze on and off.

I am conscious of being in a state of drifting, of having no motivation to get up and get on with things...

I am aware that this way lies danger so I will force myself up very soon but really staying in bed would be my first choice!

This feeling of lassitude is something I remember from my last period of mourning. It has no place in my usual approach to life....but it's something else along the path of bereavement that I have to deal with...

Losing the person you live with, whose daily pattern you share is much worse than losing a dearly loved one who has left your life but whose belongings are not everywhere you look!

I have to now shake off this lethargy....it's Spring outside, the world is beautiful and I have just realised that I have planned two things to be done on Monday morning......and I can only do one thing at a time....

The brain is not functioning well right now...

This period will not last I know. Real life is catching up in the shape of all the paper work waiting for attention.

That's for tomorrow. Right now a period of rest seems called for and I'll get back into the fray very soon.

 

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