It is now a year since I realised that my husband was ill. It is six months since he died. The process of bereavement is a well trodden path for me but some of my reactions have surprised me.
I live in the house that was ours. The home we bought after a year of living in his house.
We were in an interregnum at the time so the move took place in the middle of weddings, funerals and the determined attempt to keep the parish running.
The removal men put everything in more or less the right rooms and they stayed there.
For the first months which stretched into years, things just stayed where they were. Rearrangement just didn't happen, we were too busy!
As the years went by and more time became available I still left everything in place not wanting to disrupt the home or David...
Some reorganisation occurred when he was ill but really it's only now that I am seeing other ways to organise our things.
I've sorted out most of his clothes and his office but this week I started on the rest of the house..considering why a chair was in that place and would it work if it was moved....
The process is well under way and already things are looking different. It's not an attempt to cancel David's input , more a complete reappraisal of why things were there in the first place and what it would be like if I moved them!
The only room not yet touched is my office where I see the newly bereaved , the hopeful young couples and the giddy children to be christened...
David, his pictures, his mementoes are still in place. His dressing gown still hangs in his dressing room....he is still here but I am moving on slowly, day by day, reaching a new understanding of what the rest of my life might look like...
The sorting out process is not complete but having started I will go on...God willing...
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