I found a photograph of my last dog, Crispin this morning on my Timehop app. I took it the year before he died and it shows a clearly old dog gazing at me.
It reminded me how much I am missing him.
During my adult life there has always been a dog. Before the golden retrievers there were Springer spaniels.
As members of the family they were invaluable. Quite apart from dragging me out to walk them twice a day they accompanied me during the worst times of my life.
Since losing David I have been offered a couple of dogs but refused them.....it's not just that they are a tie. I do want to be free to travel in what remains of my life but I have people happy to step into the breach and take them for me when needed....
In the face of several offers of help if I did have a dog I have realised that the main problem is that they are hostages to fortune...I am fearful of loving another creature in case it died..or got ill. The business of taking a dog to the vet for shots and ailments would now be a problem.....I would be expecting the worst every time.
I can't risk losing another loved one or deal with the anxiety at every small problem.
Instead I can look at my old photographs and remember our joyous outings, our long walks with other dogs and their minders....I have been fortunate in my canine companions and I give thanks for them as I amble through life on my own...thank you God.