Saturday, 30 July 2016

Aftermath of grief.

Saturday. It doesn't feel anything like Saturday. This is my day for finishing my sermon, getting readings, prayers, albs and stoles ready for Sunday.
Today none of those things are needed.
Thankfully another priest will take over my commitments.
I am referred to now as being bereaved and I suppose that's accurate even though Michael and I were not married.
We had taken the view that although our lives revolved around each other there was no need to make it legal...official.....
This makes life simpler now but means I have no hand in any subsequent arrangements.
Michael had a son.
I can leave everything now to him.
Oddly though this should be a relief it's not. ........
My only responsibility now is to myself.
The biggest decision is whether to go on the cruise Michael had booked for us.
My first decision was to pull out of it...but everyone told me to leave it intact.
This morning I am reaching the view that I will go along with all of the things we had planned to do together. This will be painful I know but it's what he would want me to do I think...
It's where we met, fell in love and were blissfully happy together.
I have been very touched in the last few days to get emails from people who had watched our early relationship growing .
Several people who read my blog were there in the early stages. Clearly our relationship was evident to everyone!
I have got all my photographs of him onto my iPad . His face beams out at me as I open it up.
It's all part of the grieving process , a route I've travelled much too often in the last years.
With the  help of God I can do this!
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