Watching some ancient soap on the TV I was struck by a sentence.
"If you lose your husband you are a widow. If you lose your parents you are an orphan But if you lose your child there's no name for that..."
True....I'm not sure I would use it if there was but I do dread the inevitable question whilst I'm talking to people who don't know me.
If there was some sort of name then I could just briefly mention the fact that I've lost both of my children without being pressed for detail.
The problem though would be what word could cover that?
I raised two children to adulthood and loved them every inch of the way.
They were grown up when they died and of course over the years I've searched for clues as to their early deaths.
My daughter had meningitis...
My son a heart attack.
Both of them smoked despite parental dire warnings...but I know a lot of very old people who have smoked all their lives with no apparent health problems.
I used to spend time worrying about reasons but I don't now. I accept their loss whilst wishing they were still here...
But being able to produce a word to cover my childless state would save a lot of social explanation.
Kind people always try to find some sort of words to cover my explanation.
But there really isn't anything that makes sense and stops the inevitable questions.
I live with it mostly happily now the first grief has passed.....I still have good memories and the knowledge that they both reached adulthood before they died but I do react to seeing young adults smoking...
Mostly I have learned to live with my loss...along with all the other people who no longer share my life...it's part of growing old clearly...
And there's not much I can do about that!
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