Right now I am feeling very unpriest like. It's not often I feel like shouting at God but this is one of those times.
My grandson Bobby is in trouble again. I have blogged on this subject before but here is a recap if you missed it.
Bobby was born normal. He was a lively happy toddler who talked a lot. When he was three, recovering from a very bad cold he had a stroke . This left him slightly paralyzed down one side, he had trouble with one hand and was noticeably less bouncy.
At seven he got meningitis. He spent three weeks, mostly in intensive care in hospital. I went on full time prayer duty and wanted him to survive and he did. They took out all the tubes and after another week he could go home. It was bonfire night and he couldn't hear the fireworks. Another trip to hospital confirmed it. He was profoundly deaf. Further medical complications showed up. He was still slightly paralysed and this seemed worse. He was epileptic. His fits were sudden and violent. He wasn't very bright any more.
His condition just got worse. He lost his speech and had to have medical care every day so a place was found for him in a home.
He has been in a home ever since. His mother got meningitis too and she died. He can communicate and is often lively. He is now 22.
Full time care is still needed and this week he has started fitting again after just having occasional ones for years. A stay in hospital reveals another problem. He is diabetic.
It's so bloody unfair! I just want to shout at God. I know He's there. But why on earth can this not get better instead of progressively worse?
It's ok. I'm not really asking for answers. Or even prayers. I never pray that people be cured any more I pray for the best possible outcome. I have no idea what that might mean in Bobby's case. But if you hear the noise of someone shouting at God from a long way away it's me. It's just not fair!
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7 comments:
Jean, I have railed at a God who is so unfair. In fact I railed so hard against him when my father died by inches in the 1980's, that I lost him for the next 23 years.
It took another unfair, violent death and the trauma dealing with the family of the deceased, which brought me back, as he intervened directly with me to let me know that he was actually here and open to me, if I accepted him.
It seems to me that fairness has nothing to do with it. Suffering and loss seem to some of the trials or tests we need to overcome through faith and love and acceptance, while not understanding the reasons behind it. Jesus suffered for us, we crucified him to save ourselves (even if we did not know what we were doing). All I think that we can do is to lay all suffering at the foot of the cross.
I am like you, a prayer for the best outcome rather than a specific one.
I still find times when I want to scream and shout about fairness, but seem to have overcome it, perhaps until the next time.
This just proves you are human. God made you human. Case closed IMHO. He is understanding enough to cope with your frustration.
Thinking of you :(
So very sorry Jean. The poor young man really hasn't been given a fair crack of the whip. It is almost impossible to try to understand how or why such things happen.
I really don't know if my uncertain, new and wobbly faith would be able to hold up in your situation, but for what it is worth my prayers too are with you.
Blessings.
Update for jean. Bobby does not have diabetes his tests came back clear and is still normal despite his disabilty so now you can stop shouting at god.
Thank you Michel.
Your welcome.
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