Saturday, 10 December 2011

Two Tory husbands!

I don't either talk politics with my husband or disagree on much.....but that statement was in danger of coming adrift this morning when he was applauding Cameron on his euro stand!  He was genuinely astounded that I took a different point of view...and thats not the subject of this political views are irrelevant to it!
Its whether or not you have to allow a disagreement over anything to  become acrimonious!
We are never all going to agree with each other all the would be a dreadfully dull world if we did. We are all the sum total of our life  experiences and therefor  our views are always going to be varied and sometimes if violently expressed, disruptive.
My first husband David was an arch Tory and in order to watch the election results we had to do it in separate rooms...other wise by morning we were not speaking!
The present David is also a Tory though not arch...he does see that sometimes they are wrong and on the whole we agree to just not talk about it all much and we even managed the election results  in reasonable harmony!
When we do disagree though we have two options......we can quietly bury the subject and never mention it again or we can sit down and talk it through without resorting to personal abuse.
And we do always manage it...we have never fallen out over anything either of us feel strongly about...and are always amazed at just how much common ground exists between us...if we take the trouble to look for it.
So why can't this happen in real life?
Why do people take it so badly if you reveal that you don't agree with a particular proposition?
I recently said to someone that I didn't always have to agree with everything he put forward but it didn't mean I don't support him personally....
I suppose having now been married to two men with totally opposing views to mine I have learned the art of negotiation. Or of just dodging the issue if things get heated.
In any community there are bound to be opposing views on everything.... If its a small community everyone knows what everyone else is thinking...or they think they do...Too often we leap in to try to resolve a problem and only make it worse....and by the next day everyone knows....
I am now an old woman who has lived in various places, doing several jobs and making lots of friends as I went along......they nearly all hold views that I do not share but they are  either  unaware of this or just tolerate my peculiarities with good grace....
We have to try to live together in harmony. We have to learn to turn the other cheek.... and I have had plenty of practice  since God sent me two husbands with totally opposing views.....
It's a funny old world as Margaret Thatcher once observed....but don't get me going on that one!


  1. More common ground Jean. My husband was - no, not an arch Tory - a sort of conditioned by upbringing and resolutely unshakeable one.
    We fell out on a regular basis on every single political issue, since my political stance is and always was, somewhere to the left of Lenin.
    Nevertheless, we finally agreed never to discuss any politically controversial subject. (That effectively ruled out almost all conversation) and managed a relatively peaceful existence most of the time.
    John's 'punishment' for me, should I forget and speak my mind, was total silence. And I mean total. He could sulk for England, and frequently did. The record being 4 days.
    Looking back I wonder how we made anything work at all, but we did.

  2. Please, please send Archbishop Rowan a copy of this very wise post. He seems to think a written Covenant is the best (and indeed only) way of keeping the peace within a family that disagree on a variety of topics. It seems very unlikely that he and his wife have any such covenant between themselves!

  3. I think that being prepared to see another's point of view, and even being open minded enough to change your own, is a strength, but is often taken for a weakness!

    If I had any view of politics, it was formed by my Daily Mirror reading, quite narrow minded, right wing father. He could be quite contrary, but left me a soft-tory.

    During my Army life, we always got a better deal under the tories, so I was a blind Tory, not caring what they did, as long as they looked after the armed forces.

    In latter years of service, I lost all faith in the Tories. Partly through the excesses of the Thatcher era, and totally during the sleeze dominated regime of Major.

    I had real hope that Saint Blair would change things, but new labour turned out to be both inept and corrupt. Particularly taking us to war on the basis of a plain lie, and appeasement of the Americans, whose thrall, TB spent most of his political life.

    Even more recently, I've come to see that none of the mainstream parties have much to offer. They are all to complicit in my mind. So, now, perhaps a little left of Centre, I think and vote socialist=green. Which works for me.

    But I can see even more that I've turned into a pacifist, many reasons, but perhaps the most is the waste of so much life in wars everywhere and man's inhumanity to man.

    As for political disagreements with spouse - I wouldn't dare! :)

  4. How can you bear to be married to a Tory!!! (and to two in a row...) I am only joking by the way:)
    My husband is more left wing than I am - I am pretty left wing but at the merest sign of dissent he says I am a right wing facist! The first time I met him he was ranting on about Thatcher and the unions. He recently upset one of the neighbours with a socialist rant.
    I love it!

  5. Gosh!  I don't know what to say!  My husband often reminds me that the first question I asked him was, "You're  not a Tory are you?" I'm not are what I would have done if his answer had been "Yes".  Or maybe I am but daren't admit it after what you have written....

  6. I really don't know how it happened that I fell in love with them both.....their politics were irrelevant at the time!
    Laura I hear what you say but the thought of sending a post through to the Archbishop of Canterburys office is both funny and alarming.....nothing I say will ever influence anyone I imagine!