Sunday, 28 October 2012

Loss

After any death there is always guilt. If only I'd done that! Maybe if I'd listened more... we ask ourselves endlessly what we might have done that could have changed the course of events.

In my job now I meet the bereaved. I comfort them I conduct the service they have planned for themselves or for others . I sometimes know the person whose died but sometimes it's a stranger so I often ask for a photo....I need to focus on the actual person and not rely on the thoughts and emotions of others...

Nothing brings the emotions closer to the surface than an unexpected death. Bewilderment is followed by grief but also disbelief , confusion, and of course pain.

This morning I am facing something else. Anger....not just my anger but that of other people.

Anger is destructive....it can engulf a relationship.. This is why when my first husband died in his fifties I took my anger onto deserted beaches where I could shout at God without being over heard.

To inflict this anger on anyone else is foolish but also deeply arrogant....it is to assume that your grief, your loss, your anger is more important than anyone else's...

It has to be expressed I think but better to express it by hitting an inanimate object, than a verbal tirade.

Loss, the loss of someone important to your future is so full of pain that it's often hard to see anything else....

I have a house filled with cards and flowers right now.....I am grateful for all the support I'm getting.....and for my darling husband David...who is living proof that there is life after death...the human soul can survive such loss.

Three days after my dog died my son died too.......I can finally say it.

8 comments:

  1. How absolutely dreadful Jean. I am so very very sorry.
    It was apparent from the tone of the last few posts that something momentous had happened, but in my worst nightmare I could never have imagined this.
    There is nothing I can usefully say, but this, that I will pray for you night and day, that God may hold you in the palm of his hand and support you in your anguish.
    God bless you.
    Love Ray.

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  2. Oh, Jean, I am so so sorry. Peace to you and all your family.
    Penny

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  3. Jean, I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and David. Words are not adequate, but please know that people care.

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  4. Jean,
    I am so sorry and can only echo everyone elses comments. My prayers are with you and David.

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  5. I do thank you very much all of the above....your prayers are very much valued as are your good wishes. It all helps.

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  6. We don't know each other Jean, but I have just read your blog as a link from Twitter and want to send love and many prayers. Mandy

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  7. Thank you so much. It's the kindness of strangers that tells!

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