You find out unexpected things when someone dies. All their private thoughts and dealings come into focus, often revealing unexpected things which can be difficult to accept or understand.
My first David was a bank manager. He had had secretaries and PAs for many years before he died so at home there was chaos.
Things were stored in date order in an old bureau.
After a few months I had to tackle it. I removed everything ,one drawer at a time and tried to get them in order by creating little piles on the dining table.
The whole process took around a year.
I wasn't sure what pile an unusual folder should go in. It read.
"What to do in the event of a nuclear war. "
I returned it to the bank unopened.
Finally I got to the bottom drawer. The things in there were personal things which I couldn't have looked at any earlier.
One folder held news paper cuttings. They were all about me.
Plays I'd acted in or directed, talks I'd given to various groups.
I found a whole section at the very bottom and they came from a time before I knew him.
He had been to several plays and kept the cuttings for at least a year before we met.
My son was delighted.
"He was a stalker mum!"
Of course he wasn't. But it delighted me as well as shaking me that he had decided from a distance that I was worth getting to know.
There were no unpleasant surprises to be found with that death.
Please God there's none with my sons !