Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Confidence!

David asked an astonishing question yesterday.

"Why won't you let me drive?" It was asked in sadness not anger and it startled me!

I had not put myself in charge....I did not feel myself to be in charge and yet clearly in David's mind I was.

I assured him that as the doctor had said he could drive then it must be OK!

He was not reassured by this I could tell.

He has had a major shock. Having never been ill before needing a pace maker has knocked his confidence severely.

When I asked him where he wanted to go there were two places....into the village to get some cash from the machine.....he has now run out.....a bad feeling for someone like him.

The second was he wanted a haircut! His thick mane of curly white hair is well beyond control! I love it! He doesn't.

My offer to cut it for him was not even considered. It means a trip into Truro....

There is now no reason why he can't drive himself apart from the severe shock to his self image.....I have offered to go in with him.

This morning he's testing the water by going solo into the village. He's been gone for some time and I am just realising that he's not the only one with his confidence shaken.... I'm biting my finger nails here !

Deep breaths. I am not sure I will wait before I go looking for him.......

We are in uncharted territory here....one step at a time Lord, one step!

2 comments:

  1. Moments after posting that he walked in all smiles and with money in his pocket! Thank you God!

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  2. It's about learning to trust your instincts against your nervous judgement.

    When Jen was very seriously ill earlier this year, she didn't have the strength to walk 20 yards, let alone drive herself anywhere. And it took a month before she was strong enough to do that, and return to work.

    She was on a restricted work regime for 4 months before given the all clear to resume normal duties. She found it all incredibly frustrating losing that independence, albeit temporarily. She felt well, but her system had a lot to recover from.

    Being on medication didn't help, as she resented the side effects and it took three months to convince our GP to allow her to reduce it and eventually to stop it altogether.

    All this from a chest infection that virtually overnight developed into pneumonia of a viral nature. It reminded me of both or our mortality and what we could lose if either of us were to depart from each other.

    It makes our time together precious and valued. Even if we have years to go together, taking one day at a time and making sure that we make the most of it is now central to how we live and think.

    I thank God for his healing and patience with me as I shouted at him over it all, and the second chance we've been given.

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