At the end of this week we are looking back on a really weird Christmas where nothing we have ever taken for granted actually happened. We didn't sing any carols, go to any services , watch much TV , read many books or play any daft games....
It's been mostly survival...trying to get the small details of life in order. Things we have always taken for granted are now trials....problems to be solved...in order to get us both through the day in reasonable spririts!
Mostly we have succeeded. David gets more frail with every new day. What was possible a week ago is now difficult to accomplish. He tries very hard to hide his frustration from me but there are moments of anger that then fill him with regret and sorrow.
I've told him it's alright to shout at God. He can take it!
Every day there is something else that he can't do...I help him dress. This takes about an hour. Every day I am fearful that he won't manage the stairs and then at the bottom I don't think he'll ever get up them again...
Contingency plans to use the bed settee in the dining room are in place but so far have not been needed.
Each day brings something else he can't do....the physical decline is now worse than the mental one...and I really don't know why!
Over Christmas we have been able to do our normal things, eating a huge lunch, drinking mulled wine, chatting on the phone but now with the end of festivities real life has to be addressed.
The light at the end of this tunnel is that he starts radio treatment on Monday....I am now praying that I can get him there.....we are told that this treatment can have dramatic effects even after the first one...please God they are right.