We live in a house a long way out of town. There are three other houses built onto the old farm buildings. There's the dairy, the cottage, the barn and our house, the original farmhouse. Two of the homes are holiday lets so it's us and the people next door up here. They are lovely and we don't see much of them in the winter.
Ever since we moved here I have encouraged people to just walk in. Our sitting room is upstairs and we sometimes don't hear a tap on the door so often people walk in and shout...until recently this has been fine......absolutely no problem.
Suddenly. I really don't like it....I'm not sure why but it now feels like an intrusion into our privacy....
This started in the summer when the man from one of the holiday homes took to wandering around our garden looking for us.. He even found us in the summerhouse which tends to be our bolt hole where I am reading or praying or listening to music and don't want to be disturbed. .
He then started coming into the house so I started locking the front door after he had walked in on me once too often. A sigh of relief from me and David came when he went home and once again the door could be left open.
Now when David is so ill we have encouraged lots of visitors until quite recently but now not knowing from day to day how things are I am asking people to ring first..just to be on the safe side....
So why do I feel so threatened when another man has started to walk in unannounced every day, sometimes several times a day to see David. The same man I've found walking around our garden twice this week... And I am astonished by the negative thoughts this has provoked.
This morning I am going back to locking the front door... But there's no lock on the garden...we have never even considered needing one.
I'm not sure what's going on with me here....but the garden has become a sanctuary....up there miles from anywhere I can weep, sometimes shout, occasionally scream..knowing that I am alone...and this is being eroded by someone who I am sure acts in goodwill, wanting to help, or just be on hand if help is needed.
I am astonished by my reaction to this intrusion but it's very real and has to be dealt with...it's getting in the way of my caring for my husband...
We now know that the treatment doesn't start till after Christmas so lots of visitors will be very welcome... But only after they have knocked on the door!