Monday, 20 January 2014


Getting everything in place for a care package to work is proving to be much more complicated than I could ever have imagined...

I came home yesterday after visiting David, full of apprehension. No one talked about a was more how he could be helped as he grew weaker....

He is now so weak that that's hard to imagine ......

One problem is that there are no phone numbers to ring, no one available to speak , only messages when I get home telling me I was out! Clearly right now if I'm not at home I am visiting my husband....

The feeling of impotence is now very strong...nothing I can do is going to alter what appears to be a steady decline...all I can do is love him....and I do, far too much.

When I arrived home I found the barn cleared of junk! Our own stuff had been pulled down from the great unreachable pile they had left it in! It is a great relief to get our space back and to know that no one will be walking round the garden or leaving rubbish.

A word of thanks would have been good. ...but it's no longer a daily irritant...

Small things like getting batteries for his hearing aids , having a handle fitted to his side of the bed etc are all things to tackle today....trying desperately hard not to weep at the wrong moments and to be the strong woman I am supposed to be are the things I'm aiming at ...and failing for the most part!

I told the matron of the care home that we had only been married for eight years and that we still loved each other....and we do, with all our hearts! If we didn't life would be easier....But we do!


  1. [*] and {{{Hugs}}} all that I can offer at the moment - lost for words.

  2. Hoping and praying for you that things are not as bleak as they appear Jean,
    Even if they are, however, no-one could have done more than you have done and are doing every day.
    Honestly, the only person who expects you to be Superwoman is you.
    Love and hugsX