One day I'll wake up and find it's half past seven instead of half past five. At the first glimmer of consciousness all the problems of the day flood into my head....and refuse to exit....so up I get up to bleed the radiators, make a cup of tea and pray. Not necessarily in that order.
Today it's pouring down so I pray for those people whose homes are flooded already, or who have just dried out their houses and gardens before the next onslaught. I think especially of those people with homes by the Fal who rescued me last year when I nearly drove my lovely little beetle into the raging torrent! My rescuers had seen their homes flood twice inside a week and were close to despair!
When something in your life is already bad, when events pile on even more agony then is the time when one small act of kindness can make a huge difference....
By the same token a small act of greed or pettiness can plunge you into real despair...
I am so lucky here with so many good people around me that generosity of spirit overflows right now and for this I am grateful. Offers of meals, support of all kinds are flooding in every day. I feel mean refusing most of the help but I am actually better on my own!
Having lost so many of the important people in my life I am learning the ways of the hermit....the need for solitude and for sweet prayerful peace!
I told the postman yesterday that I needed a big dog right now...one that would bark away intruders....my golden retrievers looked after me during the bad periods of bereavement when becoming a recluse looked like the most attractive option.
The problem with that scenario is that any other creature would be a hostage to fortune, another life to love and then lose! And I can't keep on losing my loved ones...
This is going to read like a council of despair but actually it isn't. When things are as black as they can be, when nothing in life looks promising, when the gloom reaches into the far crevices of of your consciousness, that is when there is room for the light that shines through the darkness....
I am aware of that light...I'm allowing it to shine on me...and I can only do that in solitude...
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3 comments:
Sometimes a period of solitude is essential, a break from the busyness of keeping all the plates spinning at once
Keeping an optimistic public face can be very wearing, and a break to let the light in is a way of recharging spiritual and physical batteries.
May you have all the light you need.
BlessingsX
Keeping all the plates spinning is a very apt description of most of my day! Thank you Ray....I know you have been in a similar position!
I've only just seen this post. It does sound as if you're having a bit of a down day, but underneath there are echoes of the optimistic Jean that we know and love.
Praying for you and for David [*]
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