Sunday, 2 February 2014

Coping mechanisms!

I am settling into a new solitary routine with a grim inevitability. Before I married David I had always gone to bed late....together we went to bed around tennish. Now I am in danger of watching Newsnight again!

I have returned to making soup! I always made large pans of soup, especially when I was training for the priesthood. There wasn't much time for proper cooking whereas a large bowl of soup warmed up fast in the microwave was always acceptable...

Old habits unlearned during my time with David are flooding back...Watching soap on the TV brings a sense of familiarity if not actual contempt.. They are much the same as I left them years ago!

All these coping mechanisms give way in the face of anxiety and pain but during any period of waiting they are presenting themselves like old friends happy to oblige in the interim!

I suppose we all develope ways of dealing with pain, anxiety and trauma in our of mine was to eat far too much. Now my appetite has gone the same way as my sense of smell so at least there's no possibility of coming out the other end too fat to get into my clothes.

Coping with the grim inevitability of loss is different for us all. There is no right way or wrong way, there's just the way we work out as move along our time lines. Having had rather more than my fair share of trauma recently I have now fallen back into old learned ways, one of which is prayer and walking...which is why a secluded garden is a least that way I don't frighten the horses!

I pray that today will be a good day for us both!


  1. [*] continue for you and for David.

    I know that I've had difficulty coping with loss or trauma in the past, one nearly leading to a break down. In those days I didn't have the comfort of faith so it was doubly hard with nothing to cling to and little to hope for.

    I'm struggling today, with the funeral of a very close friend who died under the surgeons knife, just before Christmas - I've been strong coping so far with prayer and helping her husband - but all the stops are out today and I sense much crying, hugging and prayer as we struggle through the day.

    I know that funerals are supposed to be joyful and a celebration of the life of the loved one in the sure and certain hope that we'll meet again in the promised Kingdom, but someone being taken so suddenly somehow knocks that on it's head, as the why questions still loom large.

    1. UK Viewer - the idea that funerals are supposed to be a joyful celebration of someone's life is I think very recent and not helpful and for some is a way to deny the reality of the death. Funerals should help people to mourn, give permission to cry and grieve, as well as point to the Christian hope of resurrection. I'm just off to officiate at a funeral - I hope there will be tears as well as perhaps laughter as funny reminiscences are shared. Prayers for you today.

  2. Jean - praying that today will be a good day for you and David, whatever that may mean for you. Familiar habits, old routines and trusted friends can be so helpful. Please don't forget to eat even if your appetite is less. Be kind to yourself as far as you are able. God bless and protect you both.