I am settling into a new solitary routine with a grim inevitability. Before I married David I had always gone to bed late....together we went to bed around tennish. Now I am in danger of watching Newsnight again!
I have returned to making soup! I always made large pans of soup, especially when I was training for the priesthood. There wasn't much time for proper cooking whereas a large bowl of soup warmed up fast in the microwave was always acceptable...
Old habits unlearned during my time with David are flooding back...Watching soap on the TV brings a sense of familiarity if not actual contempt.. They are much the same as I left them years ago!
All these coping mechanisms give way in the face of anxiety and pain but during any period of waiting they are presenting themselves like old friends happy to oblige in the interim!
I suppose we all develope ways of dealing with pain, anxiety and trauma in our lives...one of mine was to eat far too much. Now my appetite has gone the same way as my sense of smell so at least there's no possibility of coming out the other end too fat to get into my clothes.
Coping with the grim inevitability of loss is different for us all. There is no right way or wrong way, there's just the way we work out as move along our time lines. Having had rather more than my fair share of trauma recently I have now fallen back into old learned ways, one of which is prayer and walking...which is why a secluded garden is a must...at least that way I don't frighten the horses!
I pray that today will be a good day for us both!