Sunday, 9 February 2014

Paper work.

I am now taking up one of David's worst habits....the very early morning stroll. He was up every morning around five, putting on the dish washer, checking his mail....in the last month when this habit had stopped it was obvious that something was very wrong.

The realisation of just how wrong came slowly. He was such a strong man in every way, it was impossible to imagine his faculties failing him.

Now waking at five I keep my tears at bay by taking up his old routines...bringing my own glass of fruit juice back to bed....

Oddly the radiators are actually working quite well, without the plumbers intervention. The great engineer in the sky has managed to get the radiator in my office warm again after weeks of staying cold.

David was a great engineer...no arguments there and many of his building projects are testimony to that. But it's the man, the gentle, supportive man who loved me as I loved him and who spent the last week of his life asking people to look after me that I am thinking of .

This week is full of detail...death certificates, funerals, service sheets, etc.

I have to try to return all the equipment to the right place, the zimmer, the commode the wheelchair and the bottle all came from different places and I am very grateful for the kind people who brought them...

I will have little time for the expression of grief but it's all there...waiting , activated by the chance remark or a favourite piece of music.

The age old search through albums and laptops for photographs to treasure took place yesterday.

Today is about the paper work and planning....it all has to be done but I hate every bit of it....it takes me even more away from him, my David who made our last eight years full of adventure , joy and love....

Rest now in peace my darling ....

9 comments:

  1. Jean, still thinking off you and praying for some peace for you. I can't really offer much more.

    I hope that you're able to complete all of the arrangements without too much trauma. Your courage amazes me, as I know that I'd be in bits (as you probably are, but are disguising it well).

    Lots of love and {{{Hugs}}}

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have just caught up with your previous posts and the sad new's of David's death. I offer my sincere condolences on your great loss and prayers for you as you do what has to be done. Peace be with you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh the dreaded paper-work. I can well understand your hatred of it, but of course it has to be done.
    Immediately after John's death I had to try to understand his system of accounts etc. Never was anyone less suited to the task than I.
    My great good fortune was to have neighbours who were not only willing but very able to talk me through everything.
    I do so hope you have loving caring friends who can do the same for you.
    It took me a while to be able to bear without screaming the endless list of platitudes poured forth by people who cared but had no words of their own, but it was soon obvious that they were to be cherished especially as there were others who avoided looking at me and backed off as though death were contagious.
    Don't let the paper work fend off the necessary tears Jean.
    Please look after yourself, rest and give yourself time to grieve.
    Love and prayers as ever.X

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Jean
    My thoughts and prayers and sympathies are with you in your loss. May you know the presence of The Comforter through what are difficult days.
    Love from us both
    John & Fi x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks to you all for all those words....after another dreadful day I afraid the Comforter is not doing the job very well right now

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am sorry to hear of David's passing. I'm sure you know that you have the love and respect of many. Take care Jean x

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sorry Babs….your lovely comment got published twice so I deleted one of them!

      Delete
  8. that was probably my inferior posting skills :-) sorry to hear your trials continue x

    ReplyDelete