Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Morning wandering.

Writing this blog in the early morning is propably not a good thing. It is when I am at my lowest eb and doesn't really reflect how I am feeling most of the time....

I wake up too early and everything I really don't want to think about is suddenly present.

My early morning perambulations are a symptom of this. As I move from room to room I catch sight of something David loved and tears are then inevitable.

I am sleeping quite well now, aided by a slug of something warming....it's the waking up that's the problem, the sudden realisation that the corner stone of my life has been removed.

It hits afresh every morning and I know from experience that this will continue for some time yet...I just have to work with it...

Once I'm showered and dressed I can give a good impression of being alright....and I am for the most part...I am getting on with the daily sorting out of paper problems and the redistribution of responsibilities.

The thing I am putting off is actually getting rid of any of David's treasured possessions.

Many are things that only he valued, old photos, greeting cards, small toys, small joys, lie with massive files from a working life of huge success.

One of the first David's drawers contained an envelope entitled, "What to do in the event of a nuclear war!"

I returned it to the bank he worked for unopened. They looked just as staggered as I felt!

No doomsday scenarios have turned up yet here. But it's early days ....

The things precious to us from our lives are never discarded easily...especially a long and successful life such as David's.

What is apparent though is that someone somewhere will have to do this for me at some stage so I owe it to them to get rid of as much of my stuff as I can whilst I'm still able!

It's easy to be brave lying in bed listening to the voices on the radio telling me what's going on on the other side of the world...getting up and getting on with it is the problem!

Once more into the breach......


  1. It's a consequence of your situation that you find it so problematic dealing with David's stuff, I just wondered if his son could help out with that a little?

    But your self awareness is so evident, you have been in this place before and know that only time will help a little, and at the moment, it's all so fresh.

    Prayers and {{{Hugs}}} and love as always.

  2. Please Jean, slow down. You don't have to sort out all David's stuff this early. It will keep.
    Even now, 4 and a half years on, I'm still finding odds and ends of John's and instead of causing pain, they now give me pleasure.
    Ernie is right, David's son might not only be glad to help, he might like something of his father's which you might throw away otherwise.
    I let my step-daughter and grandson take what they wanted as keepsakes and left the other stuff till I was ready to deal with it.
    Very personal things you may want to keep for ever.
    In my case, John's dressing gown short on his 6'4'', long and three times too wide, is one of my most treasured possessions.
    If you try to sort and 'tidy' everything too soon you may part with something you will later miss.
    Love and prayersX

  3. It's OK you two...All of David's clothes etc are still where he left them . Both of David's sons have been brilliant...something's have already gone to live with them. The other things are waiting...nothing's been thrown out. We are fortunate in having a lot of room here....and there's always the barn!

  4. I had a 'sort out' of our old photographs one day. The ones who's addresses I had I packet them up and sent the old photos to them. It amazing how delighted people were to have received the reminders of the past. My children wouldnt have ever known who these people were and they would have been binned. But somethings cannot be thrown out. These I am afraid someone else will have to do for me on my demise. Take your time. Try not to do everything in a rush.
    On a different take did you watch Prunella Scales and Timothy West on their canal boat series. Two very sill old fools,they made me really glad we got rid of our boat before we made fools of ourselves. xx