Writing this blog in the early morning is propably not a good thing. It is when I am at my lowest eb and doesn't really reflect how I am feeling most of the time....
I wake up too early and everything I really don't want to think about is suddenly present.
My early morning perambulations are a symptom of this. As I move from room to room I catch sight of something David loved and tears are then inevitable.
I am sleeping quite well now, aided by a slug of something warming....it's the waking up that's the problem, the sudden realisation that the corner stone of my life has been removed.
It hits afresh every morning and I know from experience that this will continue for some time yet...I just have to work with it...
Once I'm showered and dressed I can give a good impression of being alright....and I am for the most part...I am getting on with the daily sorting out of paper problems and the redistribution of responsibilities.
The thing I am putting off is actually getting rid of any of David's treasured possessions.
Many are things that only he valued, old photos, greeting cards, small toys, small joys, lie with massive files from a working life of huge success.
One of the first David's drawers contained an envelope entitled, "What to do in the event of a nuclear war!"
I returned it to the bank he worked for unopened. They looked just as staggered as I felt!
No doomsday scenarios have turned up yet here. But it's early days ....
The things precious to us from our lives are never discarded easily...especially a long and successful life such as David's.
What is apparent though is that someone somewhere will have to do this for me at some stage so I owe it to them to get rid of as much of my stuff as I can whilst I'm still able!
It's easy to be brave lying in bed listening to the voices on the radio telling me what's going on on the other side of the world...getting up and getting on with it is the problem!
Once more into the breach......