There is one prevailing feeling today. Fear is too strong. Anxiety too pale. Somewhere in between is this dread...that I am going to forget something important .
In two weeks time I am flying to Madeira. I've done it before both on my own and with David but since then I've got soft.....leant too heavily on my knight in shining armour, been a wife.
Trying to unlearn this feeling of being taken care of is the hardest part of widowhood. The brain says one thing, the heart another...I can over think the whole thing and get bogged down in a morass of detail or I can bury my head in the sand and just get on with it......how's that for mixed metaphors?
I wake up in the night thinking....visas, estas all the separate bits of paper. And then I thank The Lord that I am equipped for dealing with most things..and that Madeira is in the common market. ..it's just daunting to get all the ducks in the right row on time.
Since writing that I've been into the village to get some money...enough cash in pounds to pay people I owe money to and euros for the trip. The post office do euros...this saves a trip into Truro but I had to produce proof of indentity . Being asked for this by a person who knows me perfectly well simply adds to the general air of confusion. It is almost surreal . However my driving license did the trick...whilst several people I knew waited patiently behind me!
I am sure my mental state will improve as time goes by but right now the dithering is taking over!