I have tried not to blog on this subject because my views were formed by watching my husband die earlier this year.
During my life it has never occurred to me that at some stage I might want to end either my life or anyone else's. I think my views have changed now though it's early days yet.....they might have changed again after a few more years....
My father, an alcoholic committed suicide....whilst it shocked us all there was an unspoken feeling of relief. He had done us all a massive favour....life became bearable again for his nearest and dearest.
This obviously coloured my views. My then vicar gave him a Christian burial for which I was always grateful.
Believing in God does not prevent you from wanting to make a decision to terminate a life if it becomes unbearable. A loving God would surely not want us to suffer as He did on the cross.
I have now seen a hard death...up to this year the people I've been with at the moment of death have gone gently for the most part but I am now aware of what Dylan Thomas meant when he wrote
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
The whole assisted dying debate is good even if it fails in the detail....we are all mortal. We have no idea of either hour or the manner of our passing for the most part.
I just know that if I was diagnosed with something dreadful I would want to be able to make a choice....
I would want to pray, to talk to God, to reflect , to make a decision based on circumstances beyond my daily control.
I now know that the heart attacks that killed my first husband and my son were the kindest deaths..no pain and no fear....That's the one I would book for myself .
The whole debate is difficult....but we were born with free will, to make our mistakes as well as our joys...
To assist someone who asked for that help seems to be a kind act...but not one I could ever contemplate myself so you see the whole debate is fraught with double standards. I just know that if I thought at any point that my death would be as hard as my second husbands I would want to opt out a little early...
That's cowardly I know....but it is how I feel.