Wednesday, 11 February 2015

Emerging from the gloom.

Last years blog entry for this date was entitled "The stuff of soap opera"!
It describes my life in the immediate aftermath of death and today it was frightening to read it!
The process of bereavement is well known to me. I have done all this before but this last time mourning David became also grieving for my children and facing up to the knowledge that all my nearest and dearest had gone aloft without me!
This period has been intense and in the early stages of it my mental state acted upon my body in ways that had never happened before.
My physical responses were different . Food was irrelevant. I simply came close to shutting down at this point.
Once I'd recognised this process, helped by some good friends I fought back!
I made myself eat. I forced myself round the huge garden. I drove my car to old haunts. I practiced simple yoga exercises.
Slowly slowly it all came back. The willingness of David's sons to listen, to encourage me to talk was the start.
The taking back of some services in church helped.
I need to feel useful. To communicate, to write down my thoughts day by day.
The first huge milestone is now behind me....
I am returning to the life I left behind when I married David.
He would not approve of the sort of TV I am watching but it is a comfort to pick up the pieces of various soaps....
I am now returning to life as I lived it last time I was a widow .
I make myself walk in the absence of my dog!
I plan to have human contact every day...at some stage there are always people to visit...old friends as well as neighbours!
Life is returning to normal...almost. Thank you God for these and all your blessings.

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