Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Getting a grip!


Life returning back to normal includes some Sunday services, the odd midweek communion and room for prayer.
People here who know I am "back at work" have been very kind and considerate. I am greeted warmly and hugged and old friends try to make sure that I am protected from the angst that happens in small communities at times.
So today I am feeling bad because yesterday I was asked to do something I simply couldn't do.
There were people coming to the house. I was waiting in for a parcel. My day was already full when a request came to drive an old friend over to the north coast for an urgent need to be fulfilled.
I couldn't do it. Quite apart from my need to be at home I felt a rush of anxiety at the thought of driving so far!
It would have taken about an hour and a half to get there and the same to get back. Parking would have been difficult.
I just couldn't do it!
So this morning I feel wretched.
I want to ring my friend to make sure someone else turned up to help. But guilt has set in now!
Trying to analyse why I am feeling so bad I realise that some of it is because I was helped so much in my hour of need that it feels reprehensible to have failed to help when I was asked to do it.
This is I am aware still part of the grieving process. I am not as sturdy either mentally or physically as I used to be.
It's almost as though I used up my resources during the period of looking after David and there's none left now!
Getting back to what used to be normal for me may never be possible...I really don't know!
All I can do is my best what ever that may be at any one time....and pray of course...Lord hear my prayer!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

3 comments:

  1. This is something with which I have some similar experience, and when the guilt starts to build about not being able to do everything required of us, I think the answer is to be pleased to be able to do anything and do that as well as possible. That way, you have done your very best. No more to be said!

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  2. You shouldn't feel guilt - it was impossible and sometimes we just need to say no. Today I had stuff planned, but having had a tooth out (for the first time in years) I felt totally washed out afterwards? Perhaps a sign of old age, but all that I wanted to do was to come home and collapse and sleep.

    I've recovered this afternoon, but won't be rushing anywhere just yet. With animals to feed and a spouse to cook for when she gets home from work, that will be enough for now.

    I've rang those that I was going to see today, and hopefully as the things weren't urgent, will sort them tomorrow,, it will make it bit of a rush, but I'm up for it.

    If I had gone on today, driving would have been an issue - and having an accident a good possibility. So, it just felt right to do what I did. And those I spoke too are understanding - and made allowances for how I felt. I'm sure that your friend will be the same.

    [*] for you as you go through, yet another stage of grief. And lots of {{{Hugs}}} as well.

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  3. Thank you Ray and Earnie.....I have just come back from visiting the lady I couldn't help yesterday...this has helped us both! I know I can't do everything....short of becoming superwoman! But the feeling of impotence has reduced. Hugs back to you both!

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