Thursday, 23 April 2015


I have become a procrastinator. I put things off all the time!

Yesterday I finally went to the doctor but only because I got called in! It was my first visit since becoming a widow....the associations with previous visits where we received appalling news meant that I quite deliberately have ignored things which needed dealing with!

A new process is now ensuing....blood pressure checks, blood analysis etc...all the usual stuff neglected for the last two years, they are all now catching up with now I'm putting off making the necessary appointments!

I have to see a dermatologist soon and I find myself mentally putting this off too!

Driving anywhere I'm not familiar with has become a problem.

I am astonished by my own timidity! I've never been like this....but I am now,

It's too easy to shelter behind bereavement....and I regularly make brave desicions to become more active in all sorts of ways, only to put off the actual moment of action once again.

The process of aging Is now in full swing. The need to write is strong but I am aware that that is just another way of putting off the actual job of living!

I pray. Some days that is the only useful thing I do! But the bottom line here is that I am a very lucky woman....I still have work to do. I live in a lovely place...there are far more things to be thankful for than to be miserable about!

All I have to do is get on with everything! And I decide to do that regularly. I'll start tomorrow!!!



  1. Welcome to my world Jean. A few years ago I wrote a blog on procrastination which was humorous in tone, but hid a deeper rooted problem.
    Never full of confidence I found after John's death that even the small amount needed to tackle everyday tasks was difficult to muster.
    We are all very different and have to find our own solutions to this not very well understood problem.
    For me sudden surges of mental and physical energy allow me to cope with most things, but in between times I shun even the most basic of tasks (at one time this included making phone calls) and just wait for the defeatist mood to pass.
    John would not have recognised this facet of my nature since his presence gave me a sort of Dutch courage which allowed me to do most things.
    At heart I suspect it may be a form of laziness.
    Perhaps like taking 'nasty' medicine as a child, it is best to hold your nose and just swallow the dose.

    1. Thanks for that Ray....interesting that we share that particular problem....I too put off making phone calls...I'm really not sure why...but self awareness must be a good thing....and it's particularly good to hear that I share it with someone else!

  2. For different reasons I put off doing things because I am scared it will go 'wrong' or won't be good enough, if it is going somewhere I worry that I will meet with unfriendliness. I hesitated for ages about replying to an invitation to a charity event for this reason.

    Once I start to write emails they take ages to compose, I never fill in the 'to' box until I am finally satisfied, much editing and crafting takes place as they must be right. Reminds me of writing OU essays some forty years ago.