Thursday, 2 July 2015

Hypochondria.

When as a young women I had some serious health problems I realised that having survived pre eclampsia I had been left with some small issues...one of which was hypochondria. Every slightly peculiar physical reaction to stress or anxiety left me convinced that I had a bad heart, or rotten kidneys, or a dodgy liver...
I must have driven my doctor mad....the number of times I turned up with appalling illnesses were far too many....
When I finally realised that most of my symptoms were mostly psychosomatic ( a buzz word then) I settled down into ignoring anything that cropped up out of the ordinary...
This has worked for me for very many years....until now.....
The words carsinoma, malignant etc have etched a place in my psyche. I am feeling fine...the wound site is clear...my face is more or less back to normal.......and yet...
Every day I find a lump or a bump...discoloured areas of skin have become moles...plainly speaking my hypochondria is back.....
I am told this happens to most people....that one brush with mortality can produce many more alarming symptoms. Mentally I am still tending towards becoming reclusive...I have to force myself out at times..but during the periods here on my own , miles from anywhere I am more content with my own company than I should be.....
Having no dog, cat, husband or child to look after means the housework is over easily....the garden takes up most of my energy but there's still lots left over....so I'm writing again....at least two books are pending...
But most of my time now is spent in examining interesting new moles whilst staying out of the sun....
Oh dear.....the theory that if you are aware that it's happening it stops doesn't seem to be working for me!
I am not sad, miserable or decrepit. I'm just waiting for the next shoe to drop....

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