Sunday, 25 October 2015

Failure

The Meditaranean isn't blue today...it's just about dark grey. This fits more or less with my mood which for once is more down than up!

No one thing has contributed to this....but memories are everywhere.

I am uncomfortably aware that as I make friends and share stories with them that mine does not sound credible.

It's easy to talk about becoming a widow....many of us are in that particular boat here. It's when they go on to ask about family that I am starting to stumble.

Who on earth has lost their children as well as their husbands?

Unless you've experienced a plague or a war it's unlikely. So I try to avoid the family question if I can but don't always head it off in time. The appalled faces that greet this news tell their own story so I am trying very hard not to get into that sort of territory.

Short of lying or claiming relations who don't exist I know of no way around this...

I went to "church" this morning and then on to join the"choir" both events threatened to bring on tears but I was saved during the first one when the deputy captain made a complete hash of the service! He missed one lesson completely, read the intercessions twice, started the wrong hymn, stopped and went back to the one we'd all sung. Cheered me up no end!

The worst bit of the day though came when the Quiz was moved from the pub to the garden room because the pub big screen was showing football!

So of course I joined in, only to find that yes indeed my brain has died! I only got two questions right, racked my brain on several others that I did know but failed to resuscitate and ended up feeling a miserable failure.

I should be getting used to it by this time...

 

5 comments:

  1. Anyone would be appalled as one's first reaction (before even thought) is "that could've been me!"
    And road accidents, with all their horror, are far more common than war or plague. No feeling human being could not be shocked at the thought.
    Bear with it and don't lie. You're not "spoiling their holiday" but providing a magnificent example of someone whose faith and character have withstood even these and like St Paul, "still stand".
    You reassure this depressive every day that it's possible, and that's no mean witness x

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  2. You have my undying admiration. I honestly don't know how you cope and yet you do. Come on my old friend girth up your loins and show em what's what. Stiff upper lip and all that. Well the quiz is a different ball game. Some days I am brilliant. I do University challenge, and other days well God only knows where the brain has gone.
    You are allowed to be fed up you know even on a cruise. Xx

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    1. Bless you Babs....I am feeling much better today....mostly.

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  3. I wonder how many people find your story as inspirational as we do. Yes, lots of sorrow, but there is something about the human spirit and God's grace that shines through - whether or not you know it?

    And as for brain cells - a couple of years ago, someone in the church said that I didn't have the academic ability to cope with training for ministry - now in my second year of LLM trg, I'm poking a snook at them.

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