Saturday, 27 February 2016


I have two services tomorrow. One of them is a BCP communion. The other is Common worship.
The readings are very dour! I should have expected this on Lent three but I am a little out of touch!
One of them contains an epistle from Paul! Full of dire warnings it contains the line.
"For we are tested. God never tests us beyond our endurance though."
There are so many lines to cover this thought..." What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Etc.
I have had so many similar thoughts spoken to me over the years by well meaning people trying to console me.
They don't!
Being tested for me means that I lose the people I love. Having lost two husbands and both of my children I reckon that I've been tested to destruction....and have told God this!
I have spent time shouting at God...and there are some days when I still do!
Losing my dogs are another test! I'm sure there are more tests up ahead but by this time I have learned the ways of dealing with them!
I just carry on.
Looking back on my life I find lots to regret, lots to repent. But my faith is intact. God is!
And I have the small satisfaction of knowing that I must be the strongest woman in the world!

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