Saturday, 15 October 2016


Since my dear friend Michael died a few months ago I have been in a period of introspection which is mostly foreign to me...
Having lost two husbands and both of my children in the last years I find myself for the first time being aware of my own temporary hold on life....this is not morbid I don't believe...I am not spending my days planning for death but I am aware that I'm no longer going on for ever!
I visited an old friend yesterday .
She is a decade older than me and has recently lost two good friends and together we drank tea and viewed our lives....the years that have passed and those that lie ahead of us...
We are agreed on one thing...neither of us want to stay alive once we get to the stage of struggling , to strenuously preserve life once you've got to our stage feels wrong for both of us.
She is a doctor, from a church family and growing up in a vicarage coloured her views from a very early age. On my journey to ordination she was unfailing in her support and gave me a lot of good practical advice.
Our conversation was not gloomy, we just reviewed our prospects...with quite a lot of laughter....
We are both still driving, we both shop on line , we chat as we go!
It was an interesting conversation and as always she gave me good advice...
So this week I will I think start the "being old" process.
I will ring Lifeline.
Michael tried to get me to do this but at the time I was refusing to even contemplate my approaching frailty.
But it does now make sense...
A friend here in the village fell in his bathroom a little while took hours before he managed to get help...he also tells me the time has I will stop pretending I'm still young and mobile...I will at least listen to what's on offer...which seems to be mostly wearing an alarm around the press in dire moments to summon help!
Living on my own in splendid isolation in a remote ancient farmhouse is fine for the moment...but I have to get real.
My conversation with the person I talked to about my car insurance started this process...there was an audible gasp when I revealed my age...
So it's becoming depressingly real! I am old! It is time to think the impossible...that I won't go on for ever!
And I might at some stage need help! But not yet!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


  1. How sensible, also the alarm will give you peace of mind so you will be able to gallivant and have fun without worrying.

    I almost don't have to ask if you have made a will, DD is a private client solicitor and hates doing death bed wills, maybe more a reminder to all your other blog readers.

    Have a good weekend, hope the sun is shining in Cornwall as in London.

    1. I made my will some time was important to get all my ducks in a row sensibly...
      No sun as yet....but I am very glad you have it!

  2. I don't avoid the subject of older age, or even very old age. At 67, I have some time to go, God willing. But increasing levels of things not working quite right are personal reminders that I can't do what I used to do as easily and that perhaps I need to look at the sort of things that you are, but not just yet.

    There are things that we need to do to make our home a safer space for the older us, but as Jen is still working and won't be retiring just yet, it does seem to be too early for that - but we are planning how we will live in five or ten years, so a major refurbishment is on the cards when she retires in 2018. First on my wish list is a wet room, with a seated shower and grab rails to assist getting up, The rest will be doing something about a steep flight of stairs, perhaps a stair lift in the longer term.

    We also have the cats to think about - hopefully they will have a long life, but they are now getting older and natural causes will mean they won't last for ever.

    I am looking forward to a productive life in lay ministry for a few years yet - but know that my licensing next year will only be for 3 years than it will be PTO. The respectable mark of being older.