My Timehop ap take me back up to six years so I am finding some utterly miserable blog posts most mornings as we go back three years to Davids last month.
I hadn't forgotten the misery but reading my posts confirm that I had simply not accepted his death at all.
It's hard now to read my hopes and concerns, knowing that at this stage he had less than a month of life left.
I had simply not accepted it . Nor did I till it happened.
This I suppose is the mind keeping me safe, not admitting what in hindsight must have been obvious to everyone but me.
Reading my idiotic attempts to get the help we needed, the fact that I had the chair lift installed when he was only days away from the inevitable, just confirms the feeling that I was sleep walking into it all.
Our minds play tricks on us at times in order to protect us I think.
But the blog has kept it all real.
I don't often back track. But yesterday I did. It did me no harm to revisit the grief...
Going back even further was the anti dote.
January was the time we embarked on our world cruises.
We escaped the worst of the winters by cruising off to warmer climes so I can read the blogs for our trips through the Red Sea, crossing the Atlantic, visiting New Zealand and Oz.....
The photos of us both as intrepid travellers make up for some of the misery.
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