Following my ancient habit I last night watched the episode of West Wing where the president asks to have a cathedral cleared. An old much loved friend had died.
And he shouted at God. He vented his anger in a vulgar loud voice.
And I knew just how he felt!
One by one as I have lost my loved ones I have tried very hard not to be difficult. It is God after all.
But I could identify last night completely .
I have never done it in a church but I have expressed my grief loudly and with some anger. How else can you feel?
President Bartlett put it like this,
"She went out and bought her first car on her own and you set a drunken driver on her"
I won't continue that sentence...but I recognised it.
God, the one being in whom we place our trust can take away our loved ones almost casually. Of course we want to shout at him ...or her...
And we can't do it in public..
My anger with God comes and goes. There will be no sign of it at tomorrow's christening naturally...
But every so often it catches me!
I don't know anyone else who has lost her children and her husbands in the same way I have. I find it hard to talk about when I'm with people I don't know , who could be forgiven for thinking I exaggerate.
But I don't and the fictional episode last night made me feel a lot better as I identified with the words of anger...
But you see.....if there is anger then there is the belief that God is. If He isn't then what's the point?
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