Friday, 10 March 2017

Grief expressed in anger!

Following my ancient habit I last night watched the episode of West Wing where the president asks to have a cathedral cleared. An old much loved friend had died.
And he shouted at God. He vented his anger in a vulgar loud voice.
And I knew just how he felt!
One by one as I have lost my loved ones I have tried very hard not to be difficult. It is God after all.
But I could identify last night completely .
I have never done it in a church but I have expressed my grief loudly and with some anger. How else can you feel?
President Bartlett put it like this,
"She went out and bought her first car on her own and you set a drunken driver on her"
I won't continue that sentence...but I recognised it.
God, the one being in whom we place our trust can take away our loved ones almost casually. Of course we want to shout at him ...or her...
And we can't do it in public..
My anger with God comes and goes. There will be no sign of it at tomorrow's christening naturally...
But every so often it catches me!
I don't know anyone else who has lost her children and her husbands in the same way I have. I find it hard to talk about when I'm with people I don't know , who could be forgiven for thinking I exaggerate.
But I don't and the fictional episode last night made me feel a lot better as I identified with the words of anger...
But you see.....if there is anger then there is the belief that God is. If He isn't then what's the point?



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

3 comments:

  1. I love that episode, it was when his secretary got killed. When my lovely Ron died God and I had some very interesting conversations, .... But he convinced me to be thankful for all we had done together, the amazing long and happy marriage.... and just for the fact that we had met each other and loved each other so much.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have found it difficult to overcome anger. I have lost two siblings in the last year, and Anger is one response, which has now turned to resignation. All of our days are numbered (as the Psalmist assures us) and we should live one day at a time.

    But just two months ago, the young husband 42, died suddenly (they were friends) and has left his widow and two lovely children bereft - they're still at the painful, lonely, stage and even disbelief, but anger will come. Meantime, I have been angry enough for them.

    I know that these things are beyond our control and in God's hands, but sometimes that lack of control from us can be extremely frustrating.

    I had to go into church yesterday evening, after engaging with my brothers widow and friends widow it demonstrated to me that I needed to pray and light some candles for them in a sacred space. Fortunately, we had an evening Communion service on, which helped.

    Our vulnerability to grief is staring me in the face. I am to be verger for a funeral today, which I have to admit I will find hard, the family expect about 60 or more, and I will be managing them on my own, with the Vicar. I hope and pray that I will cope for their sake.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I coped with today's funeral - and found it very uplifting a lady who even in her dotage was inspiring and helping her children, grand children and great children in all sorts of ways. Another family who've been in the parish for more than four generations (since it was built in fact), not church attenders regularly, but hatch, match and despatch regulars over the generations.

    ReplyDelete