Christmas!

Every year since losing my husband I have gone away at Christmas. This was my way of avoiding the memory of my sadly weakened man as he fought his brain tumour whilst trying to enjoy the festivities. This year I have booked myself into the local hotel. Now I am wondering if this is a good idea? I cant get up any enthusiasm for it just yet. Staying quietly at home feels a much better idea. I am getting old. When I first decided to go locally I never imagined that we woud still be in lockdown...indeed I had no idea of what that meant. Now I am remembering how I felt during my last attempt at escape. It really didnt work well for me...I dont mind being on my own most of the time...I have got used to it. Christmas now feels different. And travelling to the other side of the world is different from staying local. Last year I spent the festive season in the Carribean. The year before I was in New York. But that was before covid struck. This year with no church services allowed as yet its going to be very strange indeed.....so I am happy to be staying near at hand...but what a group of people who dont know each other will do together over Christmas I really dont know. Perhaps Ive got too used to being alone....happy most of the time....its the thought of leaving my warm little nest thats bothering me. Oh dear!