Sunday, 15 November 2020
Fed up!
Well....this is not something I have admitted often but I am really fed up. And because there is no one here to listen I have to write it instead. But its all started to get me down. Just getting enough food to eat is becoming a problem. I think I have ordered stuff but it doesnt actually appear...I know I live a long way from anywhere but this has never happened before. I have been awake for hours listening to the radio and at least I am aware that I am not alone in this but really the daily grind of getting food and drink to the house has become hard work at times. I would feel better if it wasnt so cold here...One good thing this morning is an email from the company who are coming to fix the heating problem this week. So up I get wearing far too many clothes and looking for stuff to defrost. Keeping one old woman alive shouldnt be such hard work! So now I am ashamed of these thoughts because there are many people who are much worse off than me, so I am sorry for being such a softy. I know its Sunday because I hear hymns on the radio but right now this is irrelevant. I pray most days, especially just now but they are selfish little words...I am not praying for the world any more...just my small part of it. Oh dear.....I am sorry for all this but being honest is more important than putting on a good face! So I am fed up. OK rant over... no doubt I will feel better once I am warm...but I must not become too dependent on drinking alcohol...especially so early in the morning..... only joking...I think.
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2 comments:
Oh Jean, I wish I lived closer to you so could bring you a flask of hot chocolate, and a cauldron of warming soup.
Pleased to read the heating should be fixed soon. You should surely be a priority as someone of ‘senior years’ who lives alone.
I hope some locals read this and can perhaps help you.
Don’t forget to pick up the phone to chat with a friend.
Take care
Jean, nothing wrong with being honest with yourself. Being fed up comes to us all and I find to often sometimes. I'm fed up with all of the lockdown, I'm fed up with not seeing friends, family and being able to go out to a cafe or eatery without social distancing and wearing a mask. I'm fed up with a government who have completely bodged the pandemic. I'm fed up that I can't do the pastoral visiting for people in care homes or isolated in their own homes. I'm fed up with having to look over my shoulder or to right or left for people impinging on my personal space and not keeping distance. But I also have so much to be grateful for. My spouse is recovering well from her stroke, she has been furloughed from work until 3 Dec, I am not alone at home, I am grateful for being back in Church, for worshiping with the Vicar, for preaching and receiving communion twice a week when I do so.
I am grateful to God for his love, his grace and for his goodness. I am grateful for those who are still praying for Jen and for me, and I am grateful for being able to respond in the same way. I pray that you will be less fed up and content with sufficient fresh food to keep you sustained.
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