Approaching Christmas.

Listening to the radio in the very early morning I heard some music that I recognised. It was one of my daghters favourite pieces. For a moment or two I listened intently...and then I remembered...my daughter is dead. And then I realised that so is my son and my husband. Just for a few moments at the start of the day I had forgotten. Its very strange. I have got used to this strange world that I am living in and mostly I am fine...all the losses Ive suffered were several years ago. Now I enjoy the cards coming from people I only hear from once a year...they are reminders of the family I once had. So Christmas inevitably carries some grief. But its only short lived now...I am used to all this ...its only occasionally painful. Just getting on with life takes up enough time..trying to make sure that enough food and drink are in the house to keep me going over the festive period takes up a lot of energy. Oddly I have an appointment to keep tomorrow. But its here in my own home. A text message arrived yesterday from my doctor to speak to me tomorrow. He will ring me. Thats fine...life carrying on is important right now. I suppose he wants to be sure that I am still alive. This strange world is not as gloomy as it may seem. There are many good things happening..and I always enjoy the Christmas music. I sometimes join in the odd hymn.Its just as well no one can hear me! Im not as gloomy as this may sound. Life goes on....its just a different life for many of us.