Saturday, 9 January 2021
Black mood!
I woke up in a black mood which is most unusual for me. Yesterday I spoke to the only people left in my life that still care about me in case I die during all this chaos. It meant that I took stock of those I have loved and those I have lost. How on earth could I have outlived my husbands and my children? I still have some people left thank goodness and yesterday I made sure that I spoke to them....just in case. Which is daft I know...but during this period anything is possible. I have a Tesco shop booked for next week and just about enough food in the fridge to consume along the way...but why on earth am I concerned about staying alive? I have had my life complete with good bits and bad bits like most people. The things I regret are mostly concerned with my children but not my very stroppy grandchildren who have never bothered to get to know me apart from how much money I might be leaving them. Oh dear! Life here, alone in a large house in Cornwall is still good....I am not anxious to leave it but to be sensible about my age seems reasonable. So on I go... aware that shortages of various kinds just have to be lived with...I am not yet ready to give up...those of us who were children during the war know how to just get on with it. So on I go! Bah....
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2 comments:
Good morning Jean, sorry to hear life isn’t as bright as it could be.
I do hope that some uplifting and positive thoughts and memories seep into your mind during the day.
If they do and you can share them it would be lovely to read about them. I’ve obviously never met you as our only contact has been via your blog but I often wish I lived closer to Cornwall so could visit you!
Take care
Late to the party yet again.
The title belies your actual writing on this post. I sense hope, rather than a depondant post. You have much to live for, as do most of us. I like you have lost people and I nearly lost my spouse this year, but thanks to timing, my recognition of her stroke symptoms and a speedy result by the NHS first responders and an Acute stroke unit, she received the emergency treatment she needed to mitigate the results of the stroke and is now making a recovery, and progress back to some sort of normality. So, we have much to thank God for.
Today I will lead a service of the Word, streamed, for the Baptism of Christ. In Church, but with only an online congregation. These opportunities to do things differently are good for us, as realistically, the services are often viewed live, but by many more later on. Our outreach is in the hundreds, rather than our normal 60 to 8o in previous times.
I am thankful for a supportive Vicar, who will support me and give the final blessing, which is something I believe that all services should have, rather than words from me, which might be good, but are not sacramental.
Hopefully, I might also arrive on your blog on the day it is posted, but I have so many distractions, it is normally early morning before I make it here.
Prayers for your continued "getting on with it".
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