Worrying now.

This is getting boring for which I apologise. I have become a worrier. I suppose that some of this is because the future at the moment is uncertain. I am trying to continue as normal but in fact nothing just now feels normal. Right at the start of this I booked a stay in a local hotel. This was my answer to not cruising. It looked like a good idea at the time...I needed something to look forward to. Now I dont need that any more. I just need to feel safe. And I feel safe at home. The hotel is a very good one. I was surprised to find it open. Now I find myself dreading it. I have a few weeks to sort out my actions. Should I just cancel and stay at home? I dont feel lonely...living on my own is normal for me. So I am not sure why I am feeling so uncertain at the moment. Do I go off on my own to the hotel? Or do I cancel it? I really dont know the answer to that. It is quieter outside now that the tourists have mostly gone home. Just now all I want to do is snuggle down in my comfy bed and sleep my way through everything. Yesterday I looked in various cupboards around the house to ascertain just how many bottles of booze I have. A lot is the fast answer...So just now I feel like staying at home with a comforting drink or two... but that way lies danger I realise..The last thing I need is to become dependent on alcohol. So right now I just know what I dont want to do. Hopefully I will soon make up whats left of my mind...do I go or do I stay at home? All this is so unlike anything I have ever felt before that trying to sort out any plan of action feels impossible! When I thought all this was temporary I was OK. Now I realise I have decisions to make...So be it!