Saturday, 26 December 2020
Getting Old.
Yesterday just started badly and went worse from there. Most of it was my own fault because I got frightened. I didnt want to join in the various parties going on near bye. Nothing inside me found anything to be happy for. From there I went on and cancelled several events I had previosly signed up for. This made my friends cross for which I am very sorry but my reaction to all this was simply to want to hide away. Not to join in anything which took me out of my small lonely bubble. Lonely in this instance should not be read as a miserable feeling...I just needed to be on my own, not to join in all the parties going on around me...but to scuttle back to my home and close the doors. This has I realise shocked my friends for which I am sorry. But I am a seriously old woman. What I would have done ten years ago is very different now. I just need to be quiet at home on my own. So I set too to cancel everything I found in my diary which astounded some of my friends..for which I really am sorry. But the need to feel safe at home proves much stronger than the need to celebrate the forth coming New Year. So Ok I am old. And getting older by the day. But thats OK really .. it means I am a survivor. So I hope to survive this too. But just now facing the various New Year events I still dont want to join in any more...remaining quietly at home on my own looks perfect right now!
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2 comments:
I have just realised that now Cornwall has moved into a higher tier the parties can’t be held either...in theory. It seems that I unwittingly took the right course of action. I am perfectly happy staying put now.
Being old does not mean being lonely. It means that you need to be careful of your personal safety and well being. You only have yourself to care for and that is something many people who are on their own, face, day in, day out.
I feel fortunate that I have my spouse and grandchildren just across the road, and a whole gang in Church who care about my and Jen's well being, as was evidenced when Jen had her stroke in July. People offered help, shopped for me, drove me to hospitals and probably the most important, prayed for us both. Which is why I pray for your health and well being, as prayers answered with Jen's to me, good recovery, so much more that I dreaded how much worse the outcome might have been.
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