Self harm.

I was shocked this morning to hear about the number of teen age girls intent on harming themselves.
It brought back memories I’ve kept at bay for years.
When I found the row of old cuts on my daughters arm she was about fifteen.
Confronting her brought on the shrug of the shoulders and the bald statement
"Oh we all do it mum. Don’t worry about it."
The total inability of my brain to accept this statement probably produced a flow of words from me . But I can’t remember. It was over forty years ago.
I don’t think it lasted long. I used to ask to see her arms several times a week..until I thought the danger had passed...but it was never a practice I could understand .
If she was feeling unhappy she knew I would listen, talk and be sympathetic.
But she had started a process.
Her brother knew and felt just as confused as I did...
" Don’t worry mum....she’s just attention seeking."
But of course she wasn’t. She hid the cuts. She wasn’t trying to get our love or sympathy...she just wanted to be the same as her friends.
That’s what I told myself anyway.
The truth is that no real explanation covers it.
I kept an eye on her obviously but couldn’t demand seeing her arms or legs often enough to be sure....that in itself prompted an hysterical reaction.
The joys of having a teen age daughter are many years behind me now...but news of self harm still brings on bad memories, guilt...the absolute horror of self mutilation , all lined up this morning.
Teen age girls do this....it’s not logical and it’s certainly not all of them....but it does pull the parents up short. Trying to stop it became a way of life during the teenage years...
She died young. Meningitis carried her away at forty. I have no way of knowing if the tendency to self harm had carried on when she was an adult. ..but I did pray that it didn’t.
I learned one thing. Lecturing your teenage rebel doesn’t work!

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