I am feeling old today. Most days age is irrelevant. But today I am old.
This is a reflection of my mental state rather than physical.
I woke up with the realisation that I’d failed to do something yesterday which I should have done....going over to the next village to pick up my wheelbarrow wheel is hardly urgent, I don’t actually need to use it....but I can’t just leave it.
There is a need to demonstrate that I’m coping with the odd details of life.
But the truth is that I’m not keeping a good Holy Week.
I didn’t attend the wonderful service in the cathedral last year. But I’ve moved even further away from the priesthood now.
Old friends calling in or phoning are surprised to find me at home minus the dog collar.
My life is very different now. And that’s fine. ............
Having been out into my garden since writing that I can state with confidence that it’s all good out there......trees are in full flower...it’s very beautiful.
I have always said that I find God more easily in my garden than anywhere else and it’s even more important today on Maundy Thursday!
I need to be ready for Good Friday! This year I will not be processing from the church to the harbour....I hope the church wardens will have it all in hand.
I just wish people would stop saying "Happy Easter" Bah, humbug!
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1 comment:
Your response to Easter this year, is perhaps related to the cessation of your need to be involved. Your ministry as a Priest is no longer needed and perhaps you feel unnecessary angst because of it?
I was wondering yesterday (Maundy Thursday) as I led a service of Communnion by Extension as all clergy were at the Chrism Mass, how much longer I can handle ministry, full on, as I have in our Vacancy. I am thanking God that our new Incumbent will be licensed on 4th May, and he is to take all services in that month. But is of on retreat to the Holy Land in June, when we have weddings booked and no doubt baptisms, that peak in the summer months. Our retired Priest who has held the fort (some of it) during the vacancy is to go on a belated visit to family in Australia, and we will be left again without a Priest on tap (so to speak).
Stuff happens unexpectedly, and we need to have at least a Pastoral Response available. The business of School Assemblies, Summer Fete and a whole host of other activities continue, including my primary ministry, outside the church to the lone and elderly continues unabated.
Perhaps I need to separate these things, compartmalize them, but it is difficult when there is so much overlap between them.
And our brilliant Ordinand is off to train for Ministry at Bristol, when she goes we lose our PCC Secretary and Deanery rep and Diocesan Synod Rep, albeit the new incumbent will take that last one on.
I am a bit tired, and today face Stations and Liturgy of Good Friday and another time of vigil. I hope to be home before 8 pm, but who knows, I don't.
But also, exciting times and new beginnings in the parish. APCM soon, where we will elect one or two new PCC Members, and some really good, confident people have offered to serve. Sometimes vacancy causes people to leave, but our new electoral roll has increased, not diminished, so God is still working behind the scenes to bring new people to faith and commitment.
That is the hope that sustains me certainly, when I'm having a moan or considering retirement - I see new faces, meet new, shiny disciples, and realise that God is saying, keep on, keeping on. Thanks be to God
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